Name: Mental Health & Connecting with Community
Uploaded: 2026-03-11T20:16:08.110Z
Duration: 55 min
Description: Mental Health & Connecting with Community

Transcript for "Mental Health & Connecting with Community": Okay. Hello, and welcome, everyone, to our final session of the day, mental health and connecting with community. And it's one of the most important conversations we can really have. Right? Because mental health impacts everything, relationships, hormones, fertility, self esteem, burnout, and even how safe people feel asking for help. So today, we're talking about what support really looks like, how women can navigate cultural expectations, and how community can play a role in healing. We have an amazing panel of speakers today. Thank you all so much for being here. So let's get started with some introductions. Doctor Kim, would you like to kick us off? Yeah. Hi, everyone. My name is Kristen Kim. I'm a clinical psychologist. I specialize in women's mental health. And currently, I'm working, at the Motherhood Center of New York where I work with people at different points in their reproductive and parenthood journeys, whether they're trying to conceive, pregnant, or postpartum. And I'm so glad to be here today. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much for joining us. Who would like to go next? Carrie? Yeah. I'm happy to hop in. My name is Carrie. I am the founder and executive director of Asian Mental Health Proc Asian Mental Health Project. We do community based mental health resources and initiatives for the Pan Asian community, specifically for Asian women. We have our Asian and women Asian Women and Femmes Pure Wellness Group, which is facilitated by another amazing panelist today. And yeah. Amazing. Thank you so much for joining us today, Carrie. And Danielle? I'm sorry. Hello. My name is Danielle, pronounced Shivesha. I'm. a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical supervisor. I work in a Filipino owned private practice here in sunny Los Angeles. I'm also a PhD student in counselor education and supervision. And just like Carrie mentioned, I also co facilitate the Asian and Women in Femmes Pure Wellness Circle through Asian Mental Health Project. And clinically, I also specialize working with second generation Asian American woman as well as survivors of interpersonal violence. Amazing. Thank you so much, Danielle. So I wanna start with something I think a lot of women relate to, but don't always know how to explain. Even if someone lives in a big city or is surrounded by people, they can still feel really alone. Doctor Kim, why do you think many women can feel isolated even within large communities or even within their own families? I really think about this from a social and cultural perspective. I do think many girls and women are socialized in their families, in peer groups, in their communities to be strong, to take care of others, to manage a lot of things at once. And an outcome of this, these implicit and explicit expectations and these cultural norms or societal norms, I think, leaves women feeling or having more difficulty with being open about their emotions or their struggles and have difficulty with asking for help or even knowing when they need help and support. Yes. I I agree. You know, and I feel like a lot of women carry heavy family expectations, whether it's career. pressure or marriage or fertility pressures. You know, Carrie, what roles does mental health play in navigating all of that, and how can we nurture conversations within our family? Yeah. Definitely. I think that's a really good question and sort of tailing off the point of what doctor Kim was saying. You know? Mhmm. I think there's a lot of women specifically, but, you know, a lot of the rules that are assigned to to women in terms of household, you know, gendered expectations and things. That all has, like, a really large impact on mental health. Again, tailing off of what doctor Kim was saying. I think when we're amongst family, there is the expectation to, you know, somewhat be, you know, the caretaker, somebody who takes care of all the business and all those things. On top of all the other expectations of, you know, your day to day, It can be really difficult to open up to your family, when you have all these roles and responsibilities and the specific, you know, household to obtain and uphold, there. And so what happens, I think, is our our own needs, as, women, as people, you know, get sort of repressed in that, situation, when we feel like we have to put on other people's oxygen masks before our own. Oh, I love that thing. yeah. Yeah. And it's so real. Right? It just. feels like it's so hard to prioritize our own needs when there's so many needs of so many others around us, especially in family. And so yeah. And when we nurture conversations in that family, I think it's it's important to, you know, talk about it amongst one another honestly and openly, but also understanding that there's a lot of systemic things at play, and rules, and things that make it really, really hard to be able to do so. But yeah. Yes. I I couldn't agree more. And, you know, I wanna talk to Danielle about outside of an immediate family. What are some of the ways you see that Asian women today are intentionally building community that aligns with their values? Yes. I I love this question. And something I often talk about with clients is finding relationships that get to be those corrective experience, whether corrective to society, corrective to the family that they were raised in, but also places that feel safe for their inner child, for the younger self, you know, when they envision the kinds of friends or partner or community that would have helped, you know, little Danielle, let's say, you know, where where did those friendships lie or where did those relationships lie? And I think those relationships are often defined through or rather, they're the ones that foster authenticity and combat. shame. The shame that's often perpetrated within our culture, you know, white supremacy, there tends to be this sense of, like, meagerness or scarcity within, you know, white patriarchal supremacy where, you know, we are told that we have to be the best of the best, that to just get the smallest slice of pie that is available to to marginalized groups, which can foster competitiveness, comparison, shame. And so within these comfortable, safe communities, there's abundance and there's support, and it really leans into, I think, what is at the root of collectivism where we are constantly caring for each other. The care is constantly passed around in a beautiful endless cycle, while while also there's space for growth. Maybe we're talking about the heavier taboo topics that often are interwelcomed in in our culture, within our families, if that's conversations about pleasure or racialized sexism or even, like, sex and intimacy, which is often not permitted towards Asian women, for example. Also, allowing space for loving boundaries. I think boundaries gets a lot of bad rep within the Asian community because it's seen as very obstructive, very cold, very harsh. But being able to approach those boundaries in a loving way, where it's how do I love myself and my community simultaneously in a way that, you know, cares for both of us. So that's what I would like to think Asian women are finding community in, those corrective experiences for, again, for our inner child. I love that point where you're talking about your inner child. And I'm sure, you know, we all have social media, we've been seeing probably if I'm sure you guys have all seen it where a lot of people are now saying, like, this is the person who's doing your content creation, and it's like, you know, little Danielle. Or it's like, this person is overseeing your website, and it's little Carrie. Or you know what I mean? And it's just like, yes. This is who is doing this. This is the the younger version of us that we're dreaming about all these things or thinking about what we were gonna be when we grow up, and and this is that little person. So I like that you're you're kinda bringing that into the table because, you know, we're we were all young girls and people at one time, and we all had these dreams, and we all had these curiosities. And how do we set boundaries? How do we make space for ourselves? And and how do we build community around that? You know, doctor Kim, I I would want you to say, what is the main thing that stops people from reaching out or finding community during these struggles? You know, what's the right way to suggest even to a friend or family member that we should try or they should try therapy? And, I mean, We're a touching subject. mhmm. Well, to to the first question, I think what ends up being a barrier for people in reaching out to community during their struggles is their own fears or worries or even thoughts about what it's gonna go how it's gonna go or what it's gonna be like. Mhmm. You know, I guess one one thing that I noticed is that when people are are struggling in some way, they tend to think, oh, something is wrong with me, or or it this means something bad about me and and who I am as a person. And that links to feelings of shame. And when we feel shame, we wanna hide it. We wanna hold it in. We wanna hold. it tight, be with it on our own, which leads to isolation, and then the cycle repeats. I think other thoughts that people have is, you know, no one will understand me or or no one will totally get it, or I'm gonna be a burden to to someone else here. And that really gets in the way because then that, you know, holds someone back from opening up and communicating, and then it cuts off the possibility for connection and receiving support from others. Yeah. To the second question of the right way to suggest to a friend or family member that they should try therapy, I don't know if there's a right way here, because you're right, it can be a touchy subject. But I think what could be helpful here is trying to have an easygoing approach and an encouraging approach and even speaking from your own experience or your own perspective if you feel comfortable to do so. So saying something like, I see that you've been having a hard time. I think therapy could be helpful to you here. Why don't you give just give it a try and see if it's something that could be helpful to you? Or even saying something like, I sought out therapy when I was having difficulty coping with stress, and I've learned these things about myself, or I've gained these tools in better managing stress. Those are just some some tips that I have here. Yeah. I think building relatability is is definitely a a good one. Yeah. You know, we were having a heated discussion about this even just the other day because some people are like, well, if somebody suggested therapy to me, I don't know. I don't know. Would I be offended? Would I not? So you know? And other people are like, well, you know, my therapist says that's normal. You know? So we. you have to kinda find that balance because sometimes it's somebody who doesn't know what they don't know. You know what I mean? It it's. really important to kinda help help that community or help the people who need that support navigate through that and not feel shameful about that. Right? Mhmm. So, Carrie, if somebody wants more support than just community, what are the different types of therapy and where would someone go to get started? Yeah. I think that's such a great question because I think one thing I know in my experience when I first started seeking therapy, I didn't actually seek it out, and it found me in a in a point. I'll probably center this in sort of my lived experience and then go forth and talk about the types of, you know, therapy and different mental health services there. But, in my own experience, I first started therapy, just because I actually went to a doctor's appointment and or a gynecologist appointment, actually. And then I, like, made an offhanded joke of an experience that I had. And then, immediately, my gynecologist was like, hey. Let's explore that a little bit. Would you like to make an appointment with the, at the University Relationship and Sexual Violence Prevention Center? And I was like, oh, do I? I don't actually know. And for through that, she helped me make the appointment to seek, you know, a one one on one counseling. So that was individual therapy as. well as group therapy to talk about my experience as a a sexual violence survivor. And then from then on, you know, I explored different types of modalities. I also saw a psychiatrist to, you know, talk about types of medication and different sorts of things. So with that, started my journey into understanding that there are many different types of therapies, and a lot of times, it relates to the goals that you're trying to build. So, you know, I mentioned individual therapy. There's family therapy. There's also couples therapy, which is something to try within couples, of course, family therapy. There's, of course, also, you know, psychological testing and and, you know, seeing a psychiatrist for different sorts of needs. But you can really ground it in your goals. Sometimes you might wanna try, like, integrative or holistic therapy, and there's, you know, there's other other modalities within that as well. It depends on the goals that you seek to accomplish, but I know that can all feel really overwhelming. So I think the first tip is to somewhat, you know, get started. I think on there's different databases and and resources such as inclusive therapists or even psychology today is where I found my personal therapist where you can hone in on things that you want out of a therapist. So, like, well, do you want to build skills for resilience, or do you want to. reduce certain that you have or, you know, other sorts of or do you trying to manage stress? You know, it's kinda you want to whittle down from different starting points there, and then you can go in and and start finding therapy. And and I think another tip I would have for that is to not be afraid to ask questions, you know, with initial consultations and eating those initial emails and things. Angel Mental Health Project actually has a, like, therapy outreach template that helps you reach out to therapists and whittle down what it is you need. But just letting folks know that there's, like, a ton of options. There's different ways to seek therapy too. You know, you could do it in person or you do telehealth as well. There's also, you know, home visits and group and things depending on and with a variety of different settings. But, yeah, it's it's very you know, no. It's not one size fits all. Definitely, Yeah. there's lots of options out there, which I think is great, but I also think that a lot of the options feel underrepresented when you talk about therapy. It feels like it has to be this very one thing, but there's a lot of different modalities to to go go forth in and pursue. Yeah. Thank you so much for that, Carrie. Now I wanna pivot a little bit about the IVF journey and how it can affect someone's mental health even after treatment ends. Doctor Kim, what support systems are most helpful during that transition? Mhmm. Well, first, you know, I wanna share that in my work with individuals who are at different points in their reproductive journeys, I hear a lot of people, you know, acknowledge the reality that fertility treatment is is a very medical process. Yeah. There's a lot of appointments, medication. There's there's just a lot of steps along the way. And because because of that, a lot of people don't have the time or even the energy to think about the emotional aspect of it, their emotional experience, you know, along the way, whether it's dealing with infertility in the first place and then having to do these treatments. And the emotional toll that can come up with fertility treatment is just how you relate to your body during this time, how you feel towards your body during this time, how. you relate to others in your life during this time, the emotional anticipation that goes into each step, you know, the hope, the disappointment. And even once the treatment is completed, there can be more steps or more decisions to make afterwards, depending on how like, what the outcome was. So it may never feel like, Oh, there's a right time or a good time to get support, emotional support around this process. And it often does find its way You know, it does come up at some point, even if it's way later down the line. So in terms of support systems, you know, encouraging I encourage people to talk to your friends, family members about your emotional experience. Although, I also understand that it it's hard to navigate these kinds of conversations, Yeah. especially if other people may have other people may have their own feelings or questions or even judgments about what you're going through. So then perhaps finding other supports like support groups or online forums or organizations that are dedicated to supporting women that are navigating infertility. And also, as Carrie spoke about just now, like, perhaps individual therapy, perhaps couples therapy so that you have a more dedicated time and space, you know, with the support of a clinician to talk about everything that goes into this process, the physical and medical aspect of it as well as the emotional aspect of it. I love that you brought up support groups because I think that's such a great way to not only have support, but to seek community within that support. Yeah. You know, I myself run candid conversations, which is a support group for women who are undergoing IVF or currently cycling or thinking about cycling. You know? And we're on board with Resolve, which is the National Infertility Awareness Association. And I sometimes go we have an amazing dynamic group, and everybody is being kind and supportive. And then sometimes somebody goes and says, okay. I'm gonna go for a transfer. And then sometimes, and which is the most exciting times for them, is that the transfer is successful. Mhmm. But because they have built this community within the support group, they also feel like they don't really belong to the group anymore because then they say, hey, oh my god, this is great. I have a positive pregnancy test. What do I do now? Where. do I go now? And I actually had this happen in one of my groups where somebody was like, I almost I didn't know if I could come today or if I should come today. This is what happened. You know, I I guys know last month, I had a transfer. Well, it was successful, and now I'm pregnant. Where how do we navigate through that? Because to your point, it's like, is it individual therapy? You know, are there support groups out there even for people who have gone through this this journey, which can be, you know, emotionally, physically, financially draining. to some, and then they finally get this positive pregnancy test and they become an OB grad and it's so exciting, but at the same time, the people who are supporting them and lifting. them up through this is almost like, well, now I can't tap into that resource because I don't really belong into this. group. You know? So it's it's very it's a heavy it's a heavy subject, and it's a heavy conversation. And I don't think even in this call or in this session, we're really gonna be able to say, well, what's the right thing to do or what's the wrong thing to do? But I. I thought I'd bring that up because I like that you said support groups because I think there is needs to be more community. And I think as we go through this session, we need to talk about how we can do that because sometimes there maybe is not a community. I mean, I run this one group. I do it once a month, but then I don't have candid conversations, you know, the next chapter yet. Mhmm. Yet. But it brings me into thinking about, you know, what are those resources and what else, is there or how even people build community. Anyway, I I digress a little bit because I just think a lot of women are being raised to be so resilient and to endure and to stay quiet and to keep going no matter what. You know? When does resilience cross the line into kind of emotional suppression? And what does healing look like for someone who has spent their whole life, you know, being the strong one? I wanna take this question to you, Danielle, and see if you have any insight here. Yeah. And such an important question because, yeah, we often equate resilience with powering through being quiet, saving face, not making it evident that you were struggling. But as you said, it slips into emotional suppression, I think, when it is fueled by shame. I read something recently that I think it was James Baldwin who said, you know, to be black in America is to exist in perpetual state of rage. And then to be Asian in America means to exist in a perpetual state of shame. And whether that's the shame of racial melancholy trying to assimilate in a society that will not accept us, the cultural shame of needing to uphold the of our parents, of our of our generations before us, the shame of of experience and struggle of mental health, of even being a survivor, which is also my lived experience. There's so much shame, which is also coupled with isolation. Yeah. It pushes us further from community because we do not want people to witness us in our feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy or weakness or, you know, whatever it is. But, you know, we know that the antidote to shame is community is. to be seen and to be held by a loving community that accepts us for who we are, sees us for who we are, and, you know, cares for us through the struggle, through the shame. And I know I mentioned, you know, being in collectivist cultures earlier, and it is kind of ironic that even though we come from this community based collectivist culture, we often shy away from reaching out to people and telling people that we are struggling because we fear that we will be seen as not strong enough, not smart. enough, not capable enough. And it's so ironic that despite the community, this is what perhaps white supremacist colonization has has ruined their values to to an extent. And so when it comes to what healing looks like for us who have historically been the strong one, the resilient one, the ones who are often suffering in silence, Yeah. I think healing looks like those real honest relationships where we allow ourselves to be seen by these safe communities where we can be vulnerable, where we know we will still be loved, we'll be loved through that vulnerability and that. shame. And, you know, something I was thinking about earlier when when Carrie was sharing was, you know, we have all these modalities. We have all these incredible interventions. Being in cancer education, I see kind of, like, the backstage, the insights of it all. But I cannot overstate how important the therapeutic relationship is when it comes to healing in therapy, you know, to be seen, to be safe, to be held, to not be judged for whatever it is that you're coming in with. If I can emphasize, you know, for those finding therapists, if you can find someone who shares your culture identity, someone that you don't have to explain or justify yourself to, but someone who just gets it, who maybe has that lived experience, who knows what that particular flavor of shame feels like too, I think that can be instrumental in the human work and just in human relationships in general. I love that advice so much, Danielle. I I think you've really hit the nail on the head with that. And I wanna I wanna take some time to give each of you an opportunity to speak about resources that you offer to your communities. You know, I think now more than ever, especially as we're just coming off of this, like, okay, you have to build this community. You have to be able to feel vulnerable. You have to connect with community that's, you know, like minded because we can't always be the strong ones. You know, that we can't always just hold everything in and feel like, well, I don't wanna seem weak or, you know, even if we're in these environments, it is still hard. Even though we say it, it is sometimes easier said than done. So I wanted to give everybody an opportunity to really talk about what you guys are doing, where these resources are. I don't know, Carrie, do you wanna kick us off and tell us a little bit more about Asian Mental Health Project? And then, doctor Kim, I would also love, love, love to hear about the Motherhood Center, Mhmm. please. Yeah. I love that. And just thank you again to both Danielle and also doctor Kim for, you know, holding these spaces and to you, Destiny, for holding spaces like these. You know, I think there's a lot of different ways to feel community. One is conversations like these in terms of, you know, understanding what resources out there, but also understanding, like, these different types of stories that can be shared. And so yeah. And a lot of that is a huge focus at Asian Mental Health Project. So as mentioned, we are a community based mental health resource, particularly for the Pan Asian community, but also beyond. And what we do is we host these peer led affinity groups like the one that Danielle leads for Asian women and fem, but of other lived experiences as well. You know, we have affinity groups that, you know, will soon have one that caters to people who are caring for others, whether that's caretaking or community organizing or what have you. We also have, you know, a group for queer Asian folks. We have a group for Asian men, and we also have a group for Palestinian affinity groups and, you know, so on and so forth. We're sort of constantly building based off the needs of the people. So our ear is always on the ground to see what more we can build there because that's something that's, you know, I think deeply important to the future of community care is, you know, having it be very community owned and come from lived experiences, but also people with really great expertise such as Danielle and Jess who was who was on a panel earlier today. But, yeah, we have those resources. We also just have some multimedia resources. Again, I think the visibility and ease of finding access to resources is another form of community support as well. So that's something we aim to build at Asian Mental Health Project, again, are always welcome to receive, you know, requests for things as well. We also do have a mental health assistance grant. It's a $500 grant to help people kick start their mental health journeys. We did two rounds last year, and we had one specifically for Asian women and fems as well. And that found, was found to have improved people's mental health outcomes there. But there's a lot of different options. I wanted to address something in the chat that I'm seeing. Someone said I wanted to start therapy, but I'm so scared of being judged how I move past that. I think as doctor Kim and Danielle and Destiny were saying, you know, it's important to have these spaces. And, you know, it's the job of, mental health providers to move through this without judgment as well. But just. wanted to acknowledge that it is scary and that there. is a lot of judgment out there because of the stigma. But having conversations like this that open it up to make it seem less scary, I think, are super, super important. And moving past that, I think, first comes with acknowledging how scary it can be and how trailblazing, actually, I think a lot of the recent mental health movements are, and, acknowledging the systemic and, you know, societal, impact, that makes it feel hard for us to say, hey. I need help. Yeah. And once we acknowledge that, I think it makes it easier to to accept and and to to move forward and and care for ourselves in that way. So, yeah, I hope that answers the question. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Doctor Kim, would you like to share a little bit more information about the motherhood center? Yes. So at the Motherhood Center, we offer all different kinds of clinical support, and we have an outpatient department in which we provide individual therapy to to people, women that are in the trying to conceive stage, pregnant, postpartum. We've actually started to we very recently started to open up to providing clinical care to to fathers as well because, you know, of course, you know, one of the missions of the Motherhood Center is to get the word out and provide more education to people, to doctors, to communities about perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, that there's so much more that goes within or under that term beyond just postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety. And, also, we're seeing now that fathers or partners can also have PMADs themselves. So in addition to individual co individual therapy, we provide couples therapy as well and support groups as well. We have one that is for fathers. We have one that is for, you know, navigating, yeah, like, post the postpartum period with mood and anxiety disorders. And think we have one or at least had one about, you know, parents who had, you know, their babies in the NICU and just the experience of that and even just kind of even while your baby is in the NICU, but also navigating the transition out of the NICU too, which is a big deal. You know, every few months, we're switching up what the groups are, so I encourage people to check out our website to see which ones we're offering at this time. Also, I want to say quickly, at the Motherhood Center we also have a day program in which that is a more intensive outpatient program for people who are just needing more support because, you know, they're really struggling with more severe symptoms of the perinatal mood and anxiety disorder. But, yeah, we really work hard to get people the care and the kind of care that they need, that they want. So, yeah, and encourage us encourage you all to check us out. Thank you. so much. And you know, I just wanna let everybody know before we go into our Q and A, that if you are interested in connecting with anybody on this panel or who's on a similar journey, whether you're currently going through treatment, you're simply looking for support, you know, we would love to have you join us, whether it's candid conversations, that you can find us on Resolve, the motherhood center, or the Asian Mental Health Project. Please go to our docs section and, check out everything that we have there for you. Also wanna let you know that we are expanding and planning additional community groups throughout 2026. So if you would like to be part of any of these communities, please fill out the form in the docs section so we can keep you updated on upcoming groups, conversations, and events. I just wanted to say that kind of in the middle of the session because I didn't want anybody, to sign off and not know that these resources are there and that we are collecting, you know, names, emails for anybody who is interested because we want to be as efficient and effective for you guys as possible and be able to reach out and say, here's this newsletter. Here's what we're doing. Here's this next group. And I'm sure that this is not the first or this may be the first, but it's certainly not the only time that we will all be collaborating, especially for all the lovely, lovely, lovely organizations in this panel today. Okay. So let's get into some questions because I know we have a few from our audience. When is it normal to go to couples therapy? Would you recommend going before marriage or just moving oh, this is good or just moving on. What do you guys what what is yeah. Yeah. I'm interested in hearing this answer, actually. What do we think? Doctor Kim, you think this one's you? Yeah, sure. I will say, in general, I want to kind of yeah, I want to let everybody know that I hear a lot about, like, you know, a lot of, maybe stigma that still remains out there about therapy in general and how people say, like, Oof, like, you need to be in a really bad state to even consider therapy. And I tell people, Well, therapy I really believe therapy could be beneficial for anybody and everybody. Yeah. You know, you don't necessarily need to be struggling. Perhaps you just want a a dedicated time in your week to reflect, you know, slow down, reflect, talk, think about what's going on in your life, or even just have a time to get to know yourself better. And I think that goes along with this question of when is it normal to go to couples therapy? I don't know if there's a, you know, a normal, you know, a normal time. You know, I encourage you if you are, you know, even considering this as something that could be helpful to you to look into it, to get some information on it, to talk to your partner about what do they think, how do they feel, what and and reflecting on what would be your goal, what is your objective. And if you are able to identify a goal or two or three, then I think that gives you an answer that perhaps couples therapy and having that time and space together as a couple could be helpful for you. I'm curious if others have thoughts similar or different. I completely agree. I think there's no right or wrong time to go to couples therapy. I am not a clinical psychologist, but in my opinion as a person, I think that you are absolutely hit the right nail on the head. I think absolutely go go to therapy. If you feel like there's even one or two questions, why not? Also, what well, it's not gonna hurt. If anything, it might bring you close together closer together, just because. Or you might uncover something new that you didn't know before that maybe was bothering or the other person or that the other person loves and want you to do more of. Uh-huh. That's my 2¢ as a person. Carrie, Danielle, any insight here, or shall we move the next question? Next question? Alright. Here we go. Oh, Danielle. Yes. Yeah. I think just to supplement that since, you know, my background is in marriage and family therapy. I I feel like I heard somewhere that the statistic is couples start couples therapy seven years too late. So if anything, the best time to start is probably now. I think one of the barriers to starting therapy in general, whether that is individual or group or couples, is we often get this idea that I'm I'm not bad enough. I'm I'm not broken enough. I'm not that much of a problem to start or, you know, that's the mindset that we go into. If I can handle this, it's it's, you know, not quite bad enough. And to start, for example, couples therapy, we have the stigma that my relationship is a problem or my marriage is a problem that needs to be solved. And when we go in with that mindset, there's already this pessimism. There's already this hopelessness, maybe even blaming your partner or your partners for, you know, contributing to the, quote, unquote, problem. But in actuality, couples therapy is more just how do we as a team, the couples therapist and and the the partnership, how do we solve problems better, and how do we become closer? I think oftentimes you know, we're not trained how to argue. We're not trained how to communicate. Not we're not often not modeled within our families how to resolve conflict or how to communicate our feelings. And so couples therapy, ultimately, it's just getting the skills for a deeper connection and better problem solving. It's not that you are you are the problem. The couple itself is the problem that needs to be fixed. It's how do we just become a stronger team. I love that. And I love that you said that that there is a stigma around if we're going to couples therapy, there's already a problem. And it doesn't have to be like that. So thank you Danielle for that. And thank you, doctor Kim. Next question. How do you know if the stress you feel is normal or if you should see a therapist? Who would like to take that? Doctor Kim? Carrie? Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy to take this one. The question is how do you know if stress is normal if you should see a therapist? I think unpacking the word normal, you know, I I think there is, you know, what is normal, what is normalcy, and things like that, when it comes to experiencing stress. I think I want to sort of, deconstruct that word a little and say, like, if you feel that you have ongoing stress that is impacting your day to day life, it might be beneficial for you to explore seeking therapy. And that's not to say that you are not normal or that things are not you know, are are going awry per se, but it can help you, you know, day to day manage that stress or to understand maybe some underlying factors as to why things are stressing you out. I think therapy can be seen, like, at the very basis as a really great learning opportunity to learn more about yourself and and help improve and better your life in a way. And so I don't think there's a right or wrong time or when the breaking point is to seek therapy. I think similar to what Danielle was saying earlier of, like, you know, couples therapist use therapist seven years too late. I think oftentimes that's the case too. For therapy, it can also be a proactive preventative care type of thing. It. does not have to wait until you hit crisis in order to seek therapy, but I'd be happy to yeah. Happy to if anybody else has anything to add on that. Yeah. I would like to say that stress is a part of life, unfortunately. But stress is a part of experiencing stress is a part of being human and, you know, thinking about how are you coping with the stress? How are you responding to the stress? Are you able to manage the stress so that, as Carrie said, you're able to live your life in a way that feels, like, content, meaningful, fulfilling to you. So I encourage you to think about that in terms of this question. Thank you. And I just wanna say, Carrie, what you said about you don't have to be in crisis to to get you know, you don't have to put your whole body into crisis mode before you seek therapy. I I really do love that. Because sometimes you feel like that. You're like, oh, no. I don't really need it. I just need to get through this one thing, or I just need to get through this one week, or I just need to get through this insert time frame event whatever here. And then it's like, wait a minute. Had I just gone from the beginning, maybe I wouldn't have to get to my breaking point before I extend my hand for support. So love that nugget of information. Okay. Next question. How do I stop caring what people think of me, especially like what my parents think? Who would like to take this one? I can maybe jump in. just to start. Because I know this is a loaded question. And I think if any of us here have the answer, we would be billionaires, right, if we had the magic solution to this question. But, you know, I I come from an IFS, like, parts work approach. So that inner child work, thinking of ourselves as multiple parts. And so the way that, for example, I would frame this with a client is it sounds like, you know, your capital s self. Like, the person behind the driver's seat really wants to embrace who you are, no judgments, no shame, like, doesn't care what other people think because it's what is authentic and true to you. But maybe there is this tiny part at the back of your brain that really cares about what other peep people think, wants other people's approval, really cares what parents think of us. Maybe we're in this place where we want our parents' approval because that is the only way that we have felt loved, you know, whatever the reasons are. And to really attune to, like, what is that part doing? Like, how old does this part feel? Where did this part, you know, pick up this messaging that, you know, they will never feel good enough until they have other people's approval? And, you know, what also, what is this part protecting you from? Is it protecting you from rejection? Is it protecting you from feeling abandoned maybe by your family or by your parents? And really getting down to let me extend curiosity and compassion to this part and really get through it of, like, what is happening for this for this, let's say, five year old us who really wants, you know, mom to feel proud of them. And then I think once we get a better understanding of, you where that part is coming from, we can gently say, I see what you mean. I'm here for you. You know, is it enough that, like, I'm proud of you? Is it enough that I'm proud of five year old you and everything that you're doing? And, yeah, maybe just to start from that place of extending that curiosity and compassion to that part that, yeah, really cares a lot about what other people think, and it's probably protecting us from something. Okay thank you so much Danielle. Anyone else want to chime in or next question? Okay next question. What if you're struggling with recurrent pregnancy loss? That's tough. I I can start with this one. Yeah. First of. all, whoever whoever sent this in, you know, I'm I'm I'm so sorry for, you know, what you're experiencing. I can only imagine the the pain and the sadness and the devastation and the disappointment that comes with your experience. In regards to an emotional and mental health perspective, I do encourage you to get in with connecting to a community, whether that is, again, as we talked about earlier, a support group, you know, with others who are who have experienced who are experiencing something similar so that you can be held, so that you can be supported, that you can be validated in everything that you're going through right now. And also, you know, it can have an impact a physical impact, an emotional impact. And, you know, if you're open to it, considering, you know, as we've been talking about here, getting into therapy so that you have a space to really process the the pain, all. the pain that you're going through. Yeah. I agree. Okay anybody want to chime in? If not, we'll go move on to our next question. Next question. I want to start therapy but I'm so scared of being judged. How do I move past that? Carrie, I think you touched on that briefly. Did you right? I did. Yes. Sorry. I I went a little I, like, read it beforehand, of when I was answering something else. So I'm happy to touch on it again. You know, I think one is validating, you know, that, it can be very scary because there's a lot of factors and stigma that I think is more recently being lifted because of open conversations like this. But it's still very, very real, you know, to talk about. Even I, you know, I I, you know, organize in this field, and I still have trouble sharing my experiences with therapy with my own family and and things like that because it's so deeply personal and and vulnerable. So I wanna acknowledge that. And I think I think the question was moving past the judgment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. I think that's hard. That can be hard, and acknowledging that it is hard, I think, is a really great first step of of moving past it. But I think just knowing that it is an option, for you and it is you know, doesn't make you doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you as a human being. It's just a way just as we would go to a regular doctor, just as we would go, you know, seek other sort of medical attention, mental health is just as important. And knowing that can help us propel our journeys towards seeking the help that we need, but also just unpacking, you know, where that judgment can come from. I think Danielle earlier was talking also about, you know, the fear of judgment is protecting us. You know, it's a fear that we learned to protect us from, you know, rejection or something in the future. Yeah. So something that we've experienced before, something that's innate. You know, feeling rejected and ostracized is actually one of, like, a very innate, like, human emotion that is that impacts us though so deeply. So understanding that and understanding that there's external stigma that makes it feel like there's judgment, but also knowing that, you know, your journey to healing and journey to seeking mental health, you know, care is is your own. And and, you know, I think your health comes before the a lot of the judgments even though it seems like it can be really scary too. So that's just adding from before. But if other folks would like to chime in, that'd be awesome. Yeah. I I I totally agree with with everything that Carrie just said. And something that I think could be helpful is thinking about and I and I touched on this earlier, like, thinking about, like, your goals. What is making you think about? What makes you want therapy at this time? Like and and using that as as motivation to help you move forward with your fear or your worry or move past your fear and your worry so that you can get the help that you're desiring for yourself. Thank you. Danielle, do you wanna add anything to that, or you're good? My tiny small addition is if you feel judged by your therapist, you should fire them, and that's probably not a therapist you should be working with. That's my two cents. Love it. Thank you so much. Thank you, everyone. Okay. Next question. How do you handle going about your day to day life with everything that's going on in the world? It weighs so heavily on me. Oh, boy. I think so many women throughout The US feel this energy and are feeling this emotion right now. Mhmm. I feel like everybody needs to take a deep breath. Okay. Please, somebody share. I love this question. It's a conversation. clients probably on a weekly, if not daily basis. Mhmm. And I don't think we're supposed to feel okay with everything that's going on in the world with the violence, the hate, just just everything that is happening, especially to the most marginalized and vulnerable of of of us. And so I think desolation, sadness, powerlessness is is a proper response. And, you know, to be able to sit with a with a therapist who validates that and even brings in these conversations into therapy is important. This is also a part of the work. And I also think that all of this is, like, by design. Right? If the systems these oppressive systems keep us feeling hopeless and powerless and then sad and, you know, desolate, they they profit off of that. You know, at the end of the day, as wonderful as therapy is and how much I love my job, there is also the mental health industrial complex that profits off of our hopelessness and our desolation. And so there is that piece and simultaneously something I always talk about with clients is this idea of radical hope, which comes from black psychology. It's this idea that to even have hope, to even believe 2% that that this world could be better, that things could improve in and of itself is an act of rebellion against the oppressor. Because if we don't believe things can get better, if we believe that, you know, this is it, this is the way it's always going to be, then the oppressor wins because we are paralyzed into immobility. by our own hopelessness. So to have hope, to say, I believe these can be better, to act on that hope when we have the energy, when we have the capacity amidst, again, everything that's going on in the world, that in of itself is an act of advocacy and anti oppression and power. So I it's I encourage people to engage with radical hope to the extent of of your capacity. I love that so much, Danielle. I'm going to write that on a Post it on my desk because radical hope, and I've never heard anybody say it that way, is such a real thing and what I think so many of us need to have on our minds, on a Post it, at our desks, on our phone lock screens. Because sometimes, especially now, it does feel like we're starting to lose that hope. Right? We're like, how could we get ourselves out of this? This seems like this is an impossible feat. Who am I? I'm just this one girl in this one city. You know? How do we have this radical hope and or how how do we move forward? Right? How do we continue? How do we not feel so heavy? Radical hope, my literal new favorite term. So thank you for that so much, Danielle. I needed that. So thank you. Anybody else? Doctor Kim, Carrie? If I could add squeeze with one last thing, one last thought. I think you're a reminder of a of those you can just open is that wherever? there is a cause oh, sorry. Something that I also need to remind myself of is wherever there is a cause, there is a community working for that cause. And we often feel this not to tie back into the topic of this panel, but, you know, we often feel like when there is an issue, when there is a crisis, you know, no one is talking about it, and no one's doing anything about it. But wherever there is a cause, there is a community, boots on the ground doing the work. And it's our responsibility to seek out those communities, find those communities, contribute to those communities, join those communities in their action, in their liberation towards their fight. And even that even in those communities, I think we can foster and find a lot of that radical hope too. I love that. Thank you, Danielle. Anyone else? I see our time is at the one minute and fifty second mark. Anybody else have anything they wanna share? just quickly add that, you know you know, I understand what the with this, you know, this question or this comment, know, where it's coming from and being intentional about doing something something small for yourself to access the radical hope or to access, like, resting your mind or self care or connecting to positive emotions even if it's in a moment in the day so that you're not feeling so overpowered all the time every day by, you know, with the weight of what's going on in the world. Yeah, thank you Doctor. Kim. Carrie, I just saw your comments and I do love this quote too. Caring for myself not self indulgence. It is self preservation, and that is an act of political warfare. I love that. I think that's an amazing quote to end on as we're at the thirty eight second mark. What an incredible day filled with meaningful conversations and inspiring voices. During women's history month especially, it's so important that we continue creating spaces like this where women can learn, where we can share, and we can support one another. So thank you all for being here today, and we look forward to seeing you again soon. Thank you. you. Thank, you so. much, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Thank you.